‘I love you up to the sky’

 Sunset fades into evening. Summer dinners at the Hamptons finish late. Everyone she loves is here: friends, family, close neighbours, all eating, talking, laughing together. The food is well-prepared and delicious, as always. The table settings are beautiful, with the exact attention to detail she is famed for. Flowers perfume the air. The low notes of her preferred Broadway tunes come from the house, a sweet counterpoint to the chatter and laughter outside.

‘Hey, Grandma,’ one of the boys says. ‘Tell us that funny story about when you and Great-uncle Larry were little again.’

‘No,’ one of the other, younger boys, shouts. ‘Tell us about again about how happy you were the day I was born.’

‘Okay, okay,’ she replies. ‘I’ll tell all the stories, all over again!’

Everyone laughs. They wait for her to speak. They love her stories, and the way she tells them with so much warmth and enthusiasm. It makes them all feel seen, and understood, and deeply loved.

Soon, above the horizon, saffron and pale-yellow clouds give way to the first bright stars, glittering in the vast sky. Betty rises from the table and walks slowly to the edge of the deck. The rising breeze is cool on her skin. She wears her favorite color, purple, the silkiness of her dress dancing gently, swaying to the slight wind’s rhythm. She stands and watches the moon rise over the ocean, a great rosy ball, diminishing in its ascent. She turns to watch her children and her beloved grandsons, illuminated in the glow of scented candles: clove, cinnamon, vanilla. She goes inside to turn up the music’s volume and leads them all in the dance.

Betty Catalfo was born on the Lower East Side, New York, to Larry and Gemma Lorefice. Larry was an immigrant to the US from Sicily and Gemma was originally from Naples. Betty’s parents were Italian Catholics, and Betty was raised in this culture and religion. Even toward the end of her life, Betty always carried a rosary in her handbag. She was a bright, intelligent child, with sparkling eyes and a wide mouth prone to laughter, and both her parents doted on her. Betty’s younger brother Larry was born on 11 May 1950.

Betty married Vincent Catalfo, the son of close family friends. The story of how they met could come straight out of a movie script: Betty fell off a city bus and Vincent, being an attorney, was called to her aid by his parents. We don’t know whether Betty won the eventual court case but when Vincent and Betty married, they lived with Vincent’s eldest brother and his wife for the first year of their marriage. Both families were close-knit.

On 12 April 1964, when Betty was twenty-one, her first son, Anthony, was born. He was joined by Larry on 8 December 1967 then a daughter, Donna, on 4 March 1969. Betty and Vincent eventually divorced but their deep love for their children bound them together. Vincent passed away in 2002.

Betty was always there for her family. The family matriarch; her love was all-encompassing and unconditional. She supported and encouraged her loved ones in every aspect of their lives. Birthdays and celebrations were important to her and she treated her friends and family like royalty on their day and arranged anything they desired: special meals, restaurants and any friends they wanted to come along and share in these delights. She would send flowers to everyone for their birthdays, anniversaries and graduations. She would always host Christmas Eve in her home and make all the seasonal delicacies herself, lovingly preparing the festive food for weeks before. Betty even kept extra gifts on hand in case someone arrived unexpectedly.

Her laughter-loving, passionate and extroverted personality inspired everyone she met. She made the dullest day exciting. Her sense of humour was a balm; she loved it when her friends made her laugh by not taking themselves or their problems too seriously. She could often see the funny side of life, even in the darkness. She was also a person who never stopped learning and growing. Her open-mindedness allowed her to relate to anyone who crossed her path, spanning generations, genders and ethnicities.

Betty was also a successful and driven business owner, an icon of the diet industry, founder and innovator of nutritionally balanced, portion-controlled food which revolutionized healthy weight loss. This was in the 1970s, a time when women were encouraged to stay home and not have any achievements apart from raising children and keeping house. But Betty had dreams and ambitions at a time when this was rare among her generation and background. Goal-oriented, decisive, organised, efficient, Betty possessed a brilliant clarity regarding her career path and in her life on all levels. Her brilliance and acumen soon led to her basement business expanding into five boroughs and to Long Island.

Betty gave all her employees a chance to shine and helped people hone their skills and become not just better workers – but better people too. Her business sense was infused with love – as in all the other aspects of her life. Doing things for others wasn’t a burden for Betty. She genuinely gained pleasure from it. She helped others achieve their own objectives and believe in themselves, just as she did. Her best friend Lois summed it up when she said Betty had a ‘Just Do It!’ motto, inspiring others with her support to cultivate the inner strength, resilience and grit required to get through life’s inevitable hurdles.

In her downtime Betty loved to read, a fact that is little known about her. She read every single day and would devour multiple books per week, interested in every genre and style and knowing she could learn from them. She was also a huge Mets fan, and had season box tickets to the games. In 2009, Betty stopped working full-time but kept her business skills alive by investing in real estate.

In 2020, Betty’s struggle with COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) was complicated by Covid-19 and subsequent pneumonia. She died surrounded by the family she loved so well, basking in their care and love for her – the unconditional love she had so abundantly given them all their lives.

Betty was an inspiration. Her joy for life, her boundless energy and her fierce intelligence shines today. In the heartfelt words of her eldest grandson, Joseph:

‘I’ll never forget my school concerts when I’ll look out into an audience of hundreds of parents and always without fail be able to immediately locate my grandma. She’d be the one waving and screaming my name, already dancing before the music began.’

Betty is still dancing. She continues to inspire her family, friends and whoever she comes into contact with the blessings of her legacy. Betty was a woman who encompassed all the qualities we admire in a daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, employer, friend and neighbour: integrity, compassion, determination and a large dose of playfulness and fun. She will be deeply missed by her children and their spouses, and by her grandsons.

From Joseph Catalfo (her first grandchild):

I’ll never forget my school concerts where I’ll look out into an audience of hundreds of parents and always without fail be able to immediately locate my grandma. She’d be the one waving and screaming my name, already dancing before the music began. Once done, she’d be the first one to find me and make me feel as if I just finished playing Carnegie Hall. That was the funny thing about grandma, was her ability to make anyone feel like a superstar. Her joy for life was contagious and she can make everyone around her feel as excited about life as she was. Whether it be driving hours to see one of our little league games, or finding a way to make a rainy day in the Hamptons as memorable as the sunny ones, or vigorously searching for the bakery with the best cannoli cakes, she always found a way to go above and beyond for those she loved. I’ll never forget the way she always greeted me with her enthusiastic smile and open arms craving for a hug while screaming, “It’s my number one!” She’d always end each visit by already planning our next one and when she went to say goodbye she’d say, “I love you up to the sky!” Well grandma, I know you’re up there now, always looking down and spreading your love. You’ll always be my number one angel grandma, and for some reason I get this funny feeling that even up there you still haven’t stopped dancing.

From Matthew Catalfo:

Looking back on my childhood I can’t remember many major moments when my grandma wasn’t there with me. From holidays, to little league games, to summer days in the Hamptons, Grandma was always there and brought joy with her that will never be forgotten. She was someone whose funny and energetic personality could brighten anyone’s day. I’ll always remember the happiness I got on days while out with my dad when he’d say that we’re going to stop by Grandma’s. Her cheerful reaction to these impromptu visits shows how much she loves her family. Grandma always told me she couldn’t wait until she could watch me play from the best seats in the stadium, and I now know that she will always be watching, supporting, and cheering me on in whatever I do in life from Heaven.

From Sam Catalfo:

I remember how much my grandma loved me. She would always come to my concerts and getting to see how genuinely happy she was to watch me play the violin always made my day. She always radiated happiness whenever we saw each other.

From Ben:

I remember how grandma always validated and loved me for who I was. When I didn’t think I could do something she would cheer me on and not let me give up. She was the most intelligent and inspirational person in my life. I remember summer days at grandma’s house in the Hamptons sitting on the deck watching the boats on the ocean. I will always remember her being front row at my concerts. She was my biggest fan and I will miss her forever.

From Gabriel:

I remember how special she always made Christmas Eve. I remember all the fun parties at grandma’s house in the Hamptons with friends and family. Grandma always believed in me and was my biggest fan.

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